18o

i heard that you took her to the state park – our anniversary place where you made love to me under the stars and said you loved me. that i was the sweetest girl you ever knew.

i felt like a flower. (just one week away from being crushed)

do you tell this girl the same things? you brag about her and your love together. does she tell you what you want to hear? smile adoringly at every thought and never question?

patterns and patterns – lies come back.

17o

i am a jealous woman.  i hope that one day, i will feel secure and confident -like i won’t have to worry about every woman becoming a threat.  that each flat tummy, tight legs, or flowing hair won’t be a neon sign to my own physical shortcomings.

i know i’m not an ogre, but rather, average.

it’s funny – when you’re average … you don’t have an “average” amount of self confidence -

one-to-one ratios seem to not work when hips are involved.

16o

you breathed multiple “i love yous” into my ear this morning. fingers interlaced and held to your chest like you wanted to tuck me away. everything else ceased and i was swept up in the most amazing sensation of comfort.

yes, yes . . . this is it.

15o

i know i trust him.  i don’t have to ask questions my mind spits out.  i don’t have to hear things i would like him to say.  i don’t lie awake.

i find peace in the quiet.  assurance in his gaze.

there are no worries for unaccounted scenarios.  i’ve surrendered into the safety of knowing that i will never be hurt on his watch.

14o

i am becoming anti social in my older state.  i hate making small talk in the morning on the elevator with strangers.